Month: January 2020

Posted in Motivation Monday

How I’m Streamlining My Life in 2020

Posted on by Babz

The last few years, I’ve been struggling a little bit. Getting our girls was a bit unexpected, and to be honest, in the beginning I thought I had it all figured out already.

I didn’t.

It took me a long time to even admit that I was drowning in the current situation. I was falling so far behind with everything I wanted out of life. I’d quit college (for the second time), I stopped working for clients, I even abandoned my old blog because it seemed silly to write about writing when there was a small child who depended on me for almost everything.

(No, that’s not a shot at most mommy bloggers — I genuinely didn’t think I had the time in my day to manage both.)

However, this year, I’ve decided to do things a little bit differently. I acknowledge that some of the things I gave up were due to First Time Parent Syndrome — quite simply, I was overprotective and overinvested because I’d never been in this situation before and was just so convinced I was already screwing it up.

If that sounds like you, don’t worry — you’re not screwing it all up. We’re all doing the best we can with the information we have.

“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.”

–Maya Angelou

If you’re looking to dig yourself out of that rut, too (and you think there’s any chance I may have done it the right way!), keep reading — I’ll share with you how I’m getting back on track to my best life in 2020.

I’m streamlining my planner system.

As a planner addict not in recovery, it’s hard for me to admit when I’m leaning on my planning system too hard. In fact, most of the times I’m feeling overwhelmed, I tend to lean into the planning because it helps me to make sense of the mess. This year, I’m taking a different approach.

I’m not micro-managing Google Calendar anymore.

There was a time (not very long ago, in fact) that my Google Calendar would be filled to the brim with my ideal schedule. I thought that, by filling in what I wanted my days to look like, I’d be pressured into making them actually look like what I had mapped out.

Spoiler alert: This just left me feeling overwhelmed and behind. All. The. Time. Clinging to my vision of what a perfect day, a perfect week, or a perfect month “really looked like” was damaging the way that I viewed what my days, weeks, and months actually looked like. I couldn’t see how well I was doing because I was too hung up on the things I was missing.

Now that I’m not using Google Calendar for a catch-all for everything in my life, I can look at it and just see what I need to do at any point in time. And you know what? That’s a little less work than it felt like before, now that I don’t have so many optional tasks and incidentals cluttering up the view. But, I still have Google Calendar there to catch the things I might otherwise forget to move to my planner. And having a specified “Google Calendar date” day means I’m not forgetting to move anything, either.

I’m building systems instead of individual plans.

I’m a creature of habit, and while the idea of doing something new and different every day sounds exciting, it doesn’t actually work for me. I run way better on routines. I was throwing myself off every single day trying to work a fresh plan out so it worked… then I’d be back at square one the next morning trying to make that plan work, too. This was so draining!

This year, I’m simplifying my life by creating systems. Since my brain and body work better on a routine, I’m breaking my weekly goals down into a few smaller systems, organized by my color codes. Baby Dragon’s activity calendar gets broken down according to what makes the most sense for us that day. “Walk and talk” activities are moved to days when we’re already walking to and from school, “family game night” activities are moved to days when we’re all having dinner together anyway, and so on.

Another system I’m using is the blog system. Since my wife has the same work days every week (and I try not to spend too much “work time” on her days off), it’s easy for me to plan ahead which days I’ll be working on active parts of the blog process, and which days I should do some back-end stuff. It’s not a perfect system; there have been a couple pretty big snags already. But what’s important is that there’s a framework in place that I can compare to, and it makes it easier to fit other things into the system.

Schedule, Tasks, and Reminders.

This year, I’ve decided that these are the only three categories that really matter, and these are the three categories I separate my plans into.

“Schedule” items are things that are time-specific. For example, my wife’s work days, my participation days at the preschool, and of course the much-loved Show and Tell days are all penned into the schedule section (and backed up in my Google Calendar).

“Task” items are things that need action, although not necessarily my own action. I write down my four-year-old’s “family activities” (the school’s fancy way of giving homework without calling it homework) and the chores we have to do around the house. I write down the bills I have to pay manually and the errands I need to run. In general, these things can be migrated to another day if they need to, but sometimes that’s only possible because I plan to do them ahead of time (and sometimes the plans fall through).

Lastly, “Reminder” items are things that are going to happen whether I do anything about them or not. This is where I hold information about incoming packages, auto-pay bills, birthdays, holidays… The things that continue all on their own. These things don’t necessarily need to be handled, but they keep me up-to-date on the things that otherwise might get lost among the other two categories.

Keeping everything separated makes my anxious mind just a little bit more restful, and it helps me to remember what’s really important. At a glance, I can look and see what’s expected of me, and all that’s kept on my Google Calendar is the stuff that’s non-negotiable.

Make it cute!

For those of us who are functional planners (or non-planners), the idea of making something cute so that we use it more doesn’t necessarily come easy to us. However, it makes a lot of sense if you think about it. Would you rather look at a plain, boring spreadsheet, or a fancy infographic? Most people would pick the second. (I happen to fall somewhere in between, but that’s another story for another day.)

What do I mean by make it cute? Simply, stickers (and emojis, for the digital things) can go a long way toward not only making sure you love your planning system, but can also make it easier to see things at a glance. You don’t (necessarily) have to read an emoji or sticker… You can just look at it and tell what it’s trying to communicate. Slap those emojis and stickers into your planning system strategically and let them do their thing.

(I’ll have an entire post about emoji-coding coming up soon; don’t forget to keep an eye out for it!)

I’m streamlining my budget.

I emoji-code my banking app, too.

As a matter of fact, emoji-coding the banking app came before emoji-coding my Google Calendar. Since I’m often budgeting on-the-go in between other tasks and schedule items, I need to be able to see my plans as efficiently as possible. Assigning specific emojis to specific bills helps with this.

For example, cash back budgets get the 🏧 emoji, my car insurance and registration get the 🚘 emoji, anything on auto-pay gets the 🔁 emoji, and anything that requires extra action on my part gets the ⚠️ emoji. Whether I’m assigning charges that have already come through or planning for the next paycheck, these emojis help me see at a glance what I need to know about each budget item. I still use text labels, too, for further clarification, but most of the time the emojis are what I plan from.

(Soon I’ll have an entire post dedicated to how I emoji-code my budget and calendar apps — keep an eye out for that post if this idea intrigues you!)

Auto-pay is not the enemy.

I cannot tell you how many times I’ve tried to streamline my life and screwed myself over with auto-pay. Since I’m just a tad bit obsessive (and simultaneously forgetful), I’ve been known to manually pay bills that were already set to auto-pay… Which, without proper planning, can easily overdraw an account. Thankfully our bank doesn’t actually overdraw, it simply borrows from another budget, but I have frantically moved money around so that my numbers balance out.

However, since I assigned a specific emoji to auto-pay bills, the likelihood of double-paying has gone down significantly. The truth is, for the large majority of people, auto-pay is a lifesaver. Now that I have an effective way to differentiate bills that actually don’t need any attention from me, it feels like I’ve got a virtual assistant handling the mundane. (I’ve had a virtual assistant who didn’t handle the mundane as well as my system does.) This frees up time and energy to focus on the things I can’t automate.

There’s never too much cushion.

One of the things that has helped the most with the budget is being able to cushion things. I understand that not everyone can afford the luxury of a fully-padded budget; I know we sure can’t. But even just rounding up to the next dollar can have a tremendous impact on your financial situation. The only “scrambling for change” I do now is moving around the cushions from one budget to another. I try to pad the budgets a little more whenever I can, but I know that even if I don’t, I’m covered.

Let’s say, for example, my credit card minimum payments are $25/month. Obviously paying just the minimum is no way to get out of debt, so I budget $25 for each credit card out of each paycheck. On the checks we have more money to work with, I can even bump that up to $50/check, but I know that I’ll never dip under the $25. When I’m balancing out the budget at the end of the pay period, I can choose to use that cushion to pay on the credit cards, or I can move it to another budget that needs it just a little more. Either way, it’s like finding extra money laying around — exactly where I put it.

Bonus tip: Switch to Simple for your online banking.

I wish I could take all the credit for refining my budget system, but alas, sometimes it really is in the tools themselves. We’ve used Simple as our primary bank for almost three years now, and the tools to get through our financial crises were sitting there the whole time — I just had to learn how to use them. Your banking app might even offer similar features; it’s worth looking into.

If you’re on the lookout for a new bank yourself, I cannot recommend Simple enough. The app uses the time-honored principle of “envelope budgeting” with a unique edge. I can partition my wife’s paychecks (and my infrequent income) into as many separate budgets as I need. Whatever’s leftover goes into “Safe to Spend,” a catch-all budget; this is the only amount you can see without manually opening your Goals and Expenses tabs.

Best of all, in the three years we’ve been using Simple, we have never been charged a single fee (aside from the odd withdrawal fee when my wife refuses to use the Free ATM finder). We even have a high-yield savings account that pays out interest every month based on the end-of-day balance. As long as I keep funneling money into our savings goals, the savings will keep paying me, too. 🙂

I’m streamlining my dinner plans.

In 2020, I’m over obsessively planning intricate meals. The reality is that meal-planning is supposed to make your life simpler, and I was doing it all wrong. These days, I’m doing practically no grocery shopping anymore, which makes my anxiety a lot easier to manage, and also frees up some extra time for things. Still, I have a homemade dinner on the table six nights a week. How do I do it?

Meal kit delivery.

This is the age of delivery — nearly anything you want can be ordered ahead of time and shipped to your door for a small fee. Dinner is no exception. I’m not totally new to the idea of the meal kit; the one we subscribe to now is not the first one we’ve ever subscribed to, but there are a few reasons Every Plate is my new favorite.

  1. Affordable: Every Plate costs about half the price of meal kits from their parent company, HelloFresh. I loved HelloFresh, but couldn’t afford to continue after my promo pricing because I would have been paying about $70/week just to feed my wife and I two days a week. Now, I feed all four of us, three days a week, with the same budget.
  2. Tasty: I don’t think there’s been a single meal yet that we haven’t wanted to make again sometime. Baby Dragon gets a kick out of announcing which ones should definitely go in our recipe book (I haven’t had the heart to tell her we’re not doing that anymore!), and I get a kick out of taking credit for awesome, creative meals.
  3. Simple: Every Plate sends me an e-mail when it’s time to pick my meals for the next week, and the meal-picker is incredibly intuitive. Even the kids can get involved in it, since there is a big picture of each dinner (and they know I’ll be leaving out any onions, jalapenos, and mushrooms pictured). When it comes time to make the meals, there are six steps — that’s it. They know that their main customers are busy families, and they run accordingly.
  4. Filling: To be fair, we have a box meant for four adults, and two of our family are children (one of whom hasn’t been spending much time at home lately). But we almost always have a small portion of leftovers because the meals are meant to fill a family’s hungry bellies.
  5. Not excessively healthy: I try to be a reasonably healthy cook, but let’s be real — kids complicate that. My Every Plate meals aren’t meant to be my kids’ healthy solution. They’re meant to make my life easier. I know that these meals are going to skimp on vegetables a little bit, so I just stock up on extra veggies with my grocery box. I feel better because I don’t have to fight with the kids, and they feel better because they’re still getting a balanced diet. We just don’t make every single meal a perfect balance anymore.

(Please note that if you have specific dietary needs, Every Plate is not able to manage those and you must personally decide which meals work with your family’s needs. Our “needs” are no artificial colors, low salt, and no “problematic” ingredients — all of which are easy to manage. I’ll be writing up a full review of Every Plate soon, so if you’re waiting for more information before pulling the trigger, rest assured — it’s coming soon.)

Grocery delivery.

Since I’m way too much of a control freak to let someone else pick all of our dinners (and also Every Plate doesn’t offer a four-person, seven-meal dinner box), we also get actual groceries delivered, too. But, since I’m also a little extra, they’re ugly groceries.

(Ugly produce from Imperfect Foods, that is.)

While I’m not totally in love with Imperfect Foods, I do like that it’s semi-automated. That is, I can choose on a week-by-week basis whether I customize my box or not. I do, of course, because of aforementioned control-freak-iness, but it’s nice knowing that I could skip it if things get too hectic. I’ve already told them that there are 4 of us and we want a little bit of everything. We’ve got a loose budget defined within the site, and I can buy more (or less) as necessary to fit it into the actual budget.

I will be writing a full review on Imperfect Foods once we’ve received a little more boxes, so if you’re holding out for more information, I promise, it’ll be here soon!

Plan it (a few days) ahead of time!

It seems so simple, yet it’s something I used to stress myself out over. The old way had me planning for two weeks at a time, without regard to which of the children would be with us at any particular time. If they were dropped off unannounced right at dinner time, I’d have to scramble to make things work.

However… The new system fixes this problem. I plan out my Every Plate dinners when I confirm the next week’s Every Plate box. I plan out my Imperfect dinners when I confirm that week’s Imperfect Produce box. I’m never planned more than a week out, and no one ever goes to bed hungry anymore.*

By planning just a few days at a time, I leave myself room to move things around a little bit without succumbing to analysis-paralysis. I know my Wednesday Every Plate box needs to make 3 meals, and my Friday Imperfect Produce box needs to make three meals. Our seventh day is full of whichever leftovers we have, or — if we don’t have any — a nice fun family meal that we can afford now because the budget is managed.

*Just for my own sanity and clarity, I’d like to make it known that we have never starved, even before this new system was in place, but there were some nights when we had to skimp on dinner and fill up on fruit and dessert after… I’m glad to say that fruits and desserts have both fallen back to their old “bonus” positions and are no longer a way to make ends meet.

Everything is connected.

Although these areas might seem separate, the truth is, they all factor in together. By making room in the budget, I’ve got the extra money to splurge on meal kits. These meal kits make planning dinner easier, which makes me more likely to prep in advance… which leaves more room in my schedule for the things we want to do (which we can afford to do because of a well-managed budget). It’s all connected, and each thing makes the others easier.

Of course, there’s still a lot of time left in 2020, and I’m sure it won’t be smooth sailing the whole way… But having a solid system for streamlining will definitely help avoid any drastic pitfalls.

What tricks and systems are you putting in place to manage your year easier? Let me know in the comments!

Posted in Type A Tuesday

Artful Agenda Review: Is it worth the subscription price?

Posted on by Babz

I’m still on the lookout for my perfect planner solution for 2020, and I’m sure some of you other planner perfectionists are, too. Since I’ve had such a hard time finding my planner peace, I decided to give digital planning a try. It’s never really worked for me in the past, but none of my past solutions has been working particularly well this year either, so it was worth giving it a shot.

The digital planning solution I found is called Artful Agenda, a subscription app-and-website combo that promises to combine everything you love about digital planning with the beauty of paper planning. I’m on a mission to simplify my life — could Artful Agenda be just the program to do that?

Well, the short version is no… but that doesn’t mean it won’t be a good solution for you. Read on to learn about what I loved (and didn’t love!) about Artful Agenda.

What I Loved:

Artful Agenda is beautiful.

This is the ONLY digital planner solution that I’ve found that is as aesthetically pleasing as a paper planner. Multiple layout views mimic what I would find in a paper planner, and you can even adjust your calendar colors so that they are more in line with your aesthetics. (Is it just me or does Google Calendar’s color picker leave a LOT of great colors out?) You even get a few tabs to flip from one view to another.

Motivational quotes.

I’ve used a lot of planners where I didn’t really love the layout, but I loved one of the “something extras” that they put into the layouts. Motivational quotes are a big one for me. Some of my favorite old planners had motivational quotes on either the monthly, the weekly, or the daily pages. Artful Agenda has them in all three spots! Sometimes these spots lag a little bit but that’s minor. Sadly, they don’t show up on the mobile app.

(Reasonably) customizable.

You can change some labels (specifically, “custom list”). This allows you to add one label of your own choosing, which will appear over a checklist section on the daily page. This list does not auto-migrate (I was hoping it would!) but the heading for this section does. I tried to use this as a journal section and it didn’t work out well because it auto-formats as a list… which made it a pain in the ass to then remove the “journal entry” (the text doesn’t automatically wrap around, and the delete button appears at the end of the line).

You can make lists.

List screenshot + styling menu

These lists can probably function as journal entries if you want to use them as such (although I haven’t checked to see if there’s a limit to how many “lists” you can have, and you can’t change the section title — they’re called lists no matter how you use them). I actually used the list view to create a list of pros and cons that would eventually turn into this blog post. 🙂 I love that I can change from my list page to my actual planner pages and, when I flip back, I’m still in the same list — I do have more than one but I have to manually click out of the one I’m in to pick a new one. I can also see how that might be inconvenient for someone who wants to use the lists pages as diary pages.

Cute “cover” options.

Most are floral and highly feminine, which isn’t really my jam, but if that’s something you’re into you’re going to love it. I do wish there were more options, especially more that weren’t so girly, but it’s nice that they offer the feature in the first place. An easy workaround would be to allow you to upload your own cover; I would love this feature even if the built-in cover options went away. When I was researching, I also learned that there are a few covers you can “unlock” with referrals, but as of this blog post, I haven’t verified this personally.

Six font choices total

“Handwriting” choices.

Again, there aren’t many choices, but just the fact that there ARE choices is nice. I would love if we could upload our own fonts, although I understand the programming on that would be a lot to ask for at this price point.

Syncs with the top 3 digital calendar services.

(For those not in the know, that would be Google Calendar, iCal, and Outlook.) It also syncs automatically and saves everything (I think!) so that you can effortlessly move from your laptop to your phone or tablet, then back again. Unfortunately, that syncing means that you must be online constantly to use Artful Agenda — there is no offline mode.

Clean interface.

For those who are functional planners, the fact that the design is intuitive and well-labeled is nice. I’d like to be able to refine the layout a little more for my own choosing, but I do understand that at that point I might as well learn how to code and do my own. 🙃

There are stickers!

I actually (briefly) used Trello as a digital planner (which was incredibly inefficient for the way I plan) just because of the ability to use stickers. That being said… there aren’t many stickers available for Artful Agenda, and their use isn’t totally intuitive. I’m bummed that I can’t sticker my lists pages because realistically, that’s where I would use the most stickers. Also, some stickers are premium, which blows because of course the first one I wanted to actually use cost $1. Boo. Emojis, however, are free (on the mobile app and with the Google Chrome extension — not through the planner itself), and that’s something I can’t do in my paper planner.

There’s a two-week free trial.

They ask for your credit/debit card information when you sign up for the trial, but mine lagged out and got an error and it still let me start the trial anyway. I haven’t yet added my debit card back in or found a way to cancel the trial aside from picking a plan from the signup page.

What I Didn’t Love:

Not very customizable.

One of my favorite things about paper planners is that you can choose the page layout that works best for you (even if the planner company doesn’t offer multiple page types, you have the option of buying a different paper planner instead). With Artful Agenda, there’s one layout for each view, and just because you like it in the browser version doesn’t mean you’ll like the same view on the mobile version, I’ve found. I wish the layouts were at least consistent from one to the other, even if I don’t get to choose what the layout is. Hopefully the tablet version will improve this.

Font choices are not great.

Some of the fonts are practically unreadable unless you turn up the size so much that it’s no longer aesthetically pleasing (to me). I understand that this is a personal issue (both aesthetics and readability) and also acknowledge that I should be wearing my glasses when I’m on my computer. Still, it would be nice if there was a better workaround. Update: Can see the fonts better when I wear my glasses. Sigh.

SO MUCH LAG.

It doesn’t hit me as hard on the computer, but on my phone, the app can get practically unusable. Specific instance: When I was trying to do type my notes on mobile, the app lagged out and it ended up adding “listlists” when I typed “lists.” Honestly, if adding stuff on the go is going to piss me off, I’m probably not going to do it. Also, I’ve started to find that not all my changes to my lists are being saved when I switch pages on my laptop; I acknowledge that I switched pages a lot for the purpose of this review, but I’m nervous about what notes I may have lost entirely (and can’t remember already).

Discount price = $4/month or $35/year.

This is more expensive than I typically spend on paper planners (although to be fair I rarely use the whole thing for a full year, so if I paid for and stuck with this exclusively for an entire year it would be cheaper). Also, the paper planner I’m currently drooling over costs about twice this much, so I can’t really complain too much.

Mobile setup leaves a lot to be desired.

Three full screens just for one day? No thanks.

It’s not realistic for me to carry my computer around everywhere (not to mention I’m not the type of person who WOULD lug my computer with me everywhere). And, quite frankly, I’m just not impressed with the mobile app version of Artful Agenda. This is a personal issue, of course, but one worth noting.

If you’re the sort of person who really only uses their paper planner at home, and only infrequently needs to add things on the go, this is probably no issue for you. Likewise, if you’re the type of person who already carries your computer with you everywhere, this would be great because the browser version is gorgeous.

Default view can’t be changed.

Monthly view just isn’t realistic for the way that I plan.

Or at least I can’t find how to change it. For those of us who use the “monthly” view infrequently, we’re going to do a lot of clicking-out just to see the stuff you actually DO use. This is a minor complaint, since with paper and digital I tend to flip between views a lot anyway; I already can’t tell you which view I use the most between day, week, and lists. I just so happen to not use the default very frequently at all. I guess that’ll change if I start using this digital planner more, though.

The handwriting font isn’t consistent through all sections.

Aside from the fact that I really don’t need a whole page for just one hourly event…

The calendar section uses a standard, unchangeable font, which sort of clashes with the font I’ve chosen to mimic handwriting. This, also, is a personal issue; the font used for the calendar DOES match with the font used for labels, and I could just use that same default font for the “handwritten” areas… but if I’m going to mimic the look of a paper planner, I don’t want it to look so “digital.”

No widgets.

I use calendar widgets way more often than I use digital calendars, so any digital calendar that doesn’t offer one is hard for me to pull the trigger on, especially at this price point. I found myself putting the app next to a nearly-full-page schedule widget just so I can actually see what’s on it… and the app with the schedule widget is free and came pre-installed on my phone. If there was a way to have this beautifully-designed calendar widget-ed onto my screen, I would be all over it, but there isn’t one currently.

Overall:

I could see the benefit in being able to set Artful Agenda as your browser’s homepage if you love the look of paper planning but the feel of digital. Even though I don’t know how to change the default view, it really is only a click to get to your day, your week, or your lists — not really that big of a deal. I also know that many planners use their monthly view way more often than I do, so I’m probably not even in the majority here.

If you’re looking for a digital planner to take with you on your phone or tablet, I’d hold out. The current mobile version is incredibly disappointing when compared to the browser version, and it’s inefficient to use the browser version on a phone or tablet. (If you’ve got faster internet than I do, this may be different for you.) The Artful Agenda team has teased the release of a tablet-specific app, too, but as of today that version isn’t released. If it comes out before my trail expires, I’ll update this review.

As it stands right now, I can’t picture myself paying for Artful Agenda. It has a lot of promise for converting someone who plans 100%-paper to a digital planner, or for converting a 100%-digital person to more customized planning, but for me it just doesn’t replace enough of what I love about paper or digital. There are definitely some things that are done very well, but the things I like most about it are done equally well by just a few (free) apps. If you’re trying to downsize your app collection anyway, and don’t mind learning an all-new system that isn’t particularly adaptable, Artful Agenda might be a good solution for you.

Still want to give it a try? Head on over to the Artful Agenda website. Don’t forget to use my referral code RB55004!

Posted in Thankful Thursday

Luminous Purse Review — My First 2020 Obsession

Posted on by Babz

In general, I’m really not much into purses. I carry one almost every day (for the last few years), but there haven’t really been too many that caught my eye in a special way. That is, until I found this purse. Ever since it came in, I’ve been taking it literally everywhere. Mama Zombie even gave me a little grief because I took it out to the back yard with me when I went — but can you blame me? This is the most glam purse I have ever owned, and it was under $50 delivered!

I originally fell in love with this style of bags sometime during 2019 back-to-school season (a stationery nerd’s favorite time of year!). The Office Max near me had a gorgeous backpack with this lovely reflective triangle design… And I was in love. At the time, I didn’t even realize it was a “luminous” bag — I thought it was just a “Chameleon” bag. (Does anyone else remember when Chameleon-painted cars were the epitome of cool? No? Just me?) However, I was not in love with the $80 price tag, so I stuck the expensive idea to the back burner and moved on with my life.

I didn’t completely move on from the design, though. I kept an eye on Amazon and Wish, just waiting for the deals to drop… And finally they did! Once they fell under $30, I was on it. I had to have this purse I’d been obsessing over for months. When it finally came in, it was like a match made in handbag heaven. I fully intend to use this purse every single day until the straps rip apart at the seams (which seems like it’s going to be a long time).

Interested in getting your own luminous purse? Check out my review and see if it’s going to fit into your life. (This isn’t a sponsored review, by the way — I just really, really love this bag.)

Overview

(As a small side note, if you would have asked me a year ago — or even two months ago! — whether I’d ever be writing a product review for a purse, I would’ve thought you were crazy for even asking. But, here we are. It’s 2020 and I’m obsessed with a purse.)

Let’s get started with the outside first, since that’s what we see first. This bag is covered in soft, supple PU leather material that makes it reasonably durable, reasonably inexpensive, and reasonably easy to clean. However, this isn’t just your standard faux leather bag — the PU leather outer is made from individual shapes attached to a soft lining in a seemingly haphazard fashion. I know what you’re thinking — fake leather pieced together on a lining doesn’t sound very glamorous, but that’s all part of the appeal of this deceptively-complex bag. Because the outside of this bag is done in separate layers, the shape of the bag can morph depending on its contents. This is a really cool feature that means even an almost-empty bag will have a unique look. (And, when I say unique, I mean it — this bag is going to look a little bit different every time you set it down somewhere.)

The inner composition leaves out all the eccentricities of the outside and instead opts for a simple layout: one large pocket, one phone pocket, one small pocket, and one zippered pocket. I’m sure we’ve all had a bag with that setup before; it’s nothing groundbreaking. The inner liner feels slightly slick to the touch; it’s plasticky like a windbreaker. I’m not really sure what that means in terms of its durability or waterproofness, but I feel confident that the liner will at least corral a pen leak, should I encounter one while using it.

And, for those of you who are most interested in the size of the bag: It’s huge! Boasting a tremendous 31 inch circumference (approximately 79 cm), this allows the bag to present as up to 15 inches (approximately 38 cm) wide. I say up to because, as previously mentioned, the outer design will change the shape of the bag slightly every time you put it down. This isn’t an inconvenience, although I did initially think it might be. You can also rest assured that your items will be safely tucked away, since the bag stands about 13 inches tall (33 cm), not including the straps.

Curious about those straps? The shorter ones come already attached to the bag, at a length of 14 inches (approximately 35.5 cm). The longer strap took a bit of work to get attached, but is absolutely necessary if you don’t want to carry this thing on your arm all day. Since I planned to fill this thing with journals, planners, pens, and some yarn, I needed that longer strap. As installed, it measures about 40 inches long (roughly 102 cm). There are supposed to be some little loops over the long straps, probably to make them look a little more polished, but I almost immediately lost those in my car trying to get my purse set up in the pickup line at the school. Whoops!

The Good

The size. This bag has an AMAZING capacity – I’ve joked that I could probably fit a gallon of milk in this thing, and while that’s funny to say, I’m also almost completely sure it’s true. (I don’t drink milk and I buy my water 3 gallons at a time, so I don’t really have the means to check.) Whether you’re a big-item-carrier or a tons-of-small-items carrier, this bag has got you covered. Despite the large size, the profile is relatively small thanks to the shapeshifting 3D quality of the multi-piece design.

The weight. For a purse of this size and this construction, you’d expect it to be a bit hefty, but it’s not. Even after I filled it practically to the brim with all the crap that I usually carry (and a few things from the rest of the family), the weight was manageable. Empty, it’s practically weightless. Since the design is really a series of appliques attached to a soft liner, it’s only about as heavy as a reusable market bag.

The feel. The design is made of buttery-soft PU leather appliques with a slight powdery texture. The straps feel almost like a soft rubber, which distributes the weight effectively and also carry the signature color-changing material from the design itself.

The look. Obviously, this bag is beautiful when the light hits it just right — but probably my favorite thing is that it’s gorgeous in any light. Also, because the base material is so soft and flexible, every time you set the bag down it’s like you’ve got a brand-new, unique piece of modern art at your side. (Not that you’ll ever want to put it down!) I almost want to get a display case for this thing, but that would mean I’d have to leave it behind sometimes, and right now I’m just not prepared to do that.

The versatility. No matter what type of bag you prefer, there’s a luminous bag for you. I got the large size because I carry a lot of stuff daily (and don’t drive!), but for those looking for a smaller bag (or a backpack, or a wallet…) there are options for you, too. Eventually I’ll probably collect them all, but for now I couldn’t be happier with the one I picked.

The Bad

Honestly, my only real complaint with this purse is that it doesn’t have lots of pockets and compartments. For a bag of this size, you’d expect that there would be some sort of organization system in place; there’s not. This is more like a tote bag, with one main large pocket, one zippered pocket, and two smaller open-top pockets for your phone, cigarettes, or whatever you need easily accessible. Everything else falls into the void. However, if you (like me) plan to use an organizer insert or smaller pouches to corral your things, there’s plenty of room for all the pouches you want to stash inside. The wide open space is roomy enough to fit four full-sized cookbooks and two novels — it’s definitely big enough to stash away your notebooks, journals, planners, and whatever other essentials you need to take with you.

Another (minor) complaint is that this thing is a fingerprint magnet. That’s not such a big deal, since the smudges are easy enough to just wipe away, but for those who are wanting a flawless look (read: not me), it may take a little daily maintenance to keep this handbag looking fresh-from-the-box perfect. That’s definitely not a deal breaker for me, especially since these little fingerprint smudges don’t show up in pictures. (Can you tell which of the pictures were taken before Baby Dragon got her fingers all over it, and which were taken after? Because I barely can, and I’m the one who took all the pictures.)

Conclusion

When all is said and done, this bag is beyond worth it now that the prices have dropped and competition abounds. The designers really knew what they were doing with this one. You can find the exact purse reviewed in this post here. Backpacks are here and here, wallets here, and makeup bag here. Enjoy!

Posted in Motivation Monday

Introduction to “Motivation Mondays”

Posted on by Babz

Welcome to our introduction series! This is where I’ll fill you in on the background stories of each section of the blog – how they came to be, what I hope they hold, and why the subject is so important to me.

For the first post in this series, we’ll be discussing Motivation Mondays.

What is Motivation Monday?

Motivation Monday is the one day per week that I dedicate simply to getting motivated. Motivation is something that I’ve always struggled with, and I knew when going into this blog that one of my big goals was to be inspirational and motivational for other parents in unconventional family structures. It can be really isolating for us, as most parenting blogs focus around “mom” and “dad,” with a few out there focusing on two moms or two dads. In all my searching, I had yet to find a blog dedicated to a three-mom family.

(For those of you who are new here, no, I am not part of a throuple. My wife and I [“aunties”] co-parent our two children with their biological mother.)

Motivation Monday is a place for me to share those heart-wrenching and heart-warming family stories, the ones that make me so happy that I decided to do this. It’s hard AF to manage a family when you already feel judged by your community, ostracized from the kids’ birth family, and at the end of your rope with the day-to-day routine. Trust me, I know! So if my stories can bring a little bit of light to a dark and emotional experience… I’m happy to share them. And I want to hear yours, too — never be afraid to chime in on one of our posts!

Why should motivation get its own day?

Motivation Monday was actually one of the first theme days I came up with for the blog (after Type A Tuesday, of course!). Dedicating an entire day every week to motivation has been a game-changer. Being able to tell myself that Monday is the day I gather strength for the rest of the week already makes it a little motivational so I’m in the right head space to make great things happen.

What motivates me most in my life?

I’d like to say that I have a long list of things that motivate me. I’d like to, but unfortunately I’ve never been a very good liar. Honestly, the thing that helps me power through every hard “today”? Knowing that there will be an easier “today” eventually. I might not always know when that better day is coming, but looking back it gets easier to see it.

As much as I’d also like to say that I have a life separate from these kids, I’d be remiss if I pretended that they weren’t the biggest features in my life right now. When so much of my schedule revolves around the kids, it’s only natural that the kids themselves would be a huge motivation for me. If I can raise them to be emotionally-responsible and intelligent little human beings, I’ve done the hardest job ever to the best of my ability, and that’s definitely something to look forward to.

Posted in Thankful Thursday

5 Reasons I’m So Grateful I Didn’t Marry My First Love

Posted on by Babz

It might be a little early to start thinking about Valentine’s Day already, but this year, I’ve got a little extra to say — so why not start it out there?

My wife is not my first serious, long-term, live-in relationship. She’s the second serious love, the third long-term, and the fifth live-in. (What can I say? That lesbian Uhaul stereotype didn’t come out of thin air.) And, back when we first met, everyone — including me — was focusing on the fact that this wasn’t the first for me. It took a long time for me to realize that the first doesn’t always mean the best… and here’s why.

[1] I was young and dumb.

Our first love tends to be someone frivolous in the grand scheme of things. When we’re young, we can misattribute smaller feelings and inflate them so that they fill up our entire world. My world was so consumed by my first love and the fact that I had come out for her that I never thought I’d be able to find someone who made me feel the same way. I stayed in it for a lot longer than I should have, just because I thought it was my one chance at love.

Here’s the thing, though. Just because you won’t love anyone else the same way you love your First Love does’t mean that you’ll never love anyone else. It doesn’t even mean that the first love was real love. In my case, my first love was a catalyst for the rest of my life — she taught me what I wanted and what I didn’t want. But if I had married her, I would’ve resented the things I didn’t want by now.

[2] I didn’t know what I wanted.

“I don’t know what I want, but I know I need you.” I said this to my first love probably more times than I can even count during the six years I was hung up on her. It felt true at the time, too. I’d changed my major in college three times before I dropped out. I held a few jobs with trickling paychecks that somehow defined who I was despite being basically picked out of a hat. And, I tried on a few different identities involving drugs, alcohol, politics, yarn, pets, clothing styles… I was all over the place.

I didn’t know how right I really was. I did need her, but not to serve as my love interest for the rest of my life. I needed her to break all the pieces of herself back out of my heart so I could love the one I was meant for. I needed her to break down the walls so I could rediscover who I really was. I needed her to mold me into something that felt wrong so I could make the trek back to feeling right. It was a long walk back, but I wouldn’t have made it if I hadn’t been broken in the beginning.

[3] People change.

Of course people change, especially if you’re 15 when you first meet them. But when you’re deep in the middle of it, it’s hard to tell how much change has really happened. When we first met, my first love was the epitome of gorgeous and wild — everything an in-the-closet lesbian would look for in a mentor. But she wasn’t a mentor, she was my peer; it just took too long for me to get her off the pedestal and look at her clearly.

The truth is, I changed too. Some of my changes were good, some were bad, but all were necessary. Nature itself is in a constant state of transition, and humans should be, too. But not all people grow together or even in the same direction. Sometimes I still feel like I changed too much to be like my first love, and I regret it every time I feel it coming out. But the truth is, for about seven years, I was hung up on this person who didn’t really exist — so I created her in myself. My priorities changed, too, but change is hard and things don’t snap back into place just how they did before. It’s a part of growing up.

[4] We weren’t good for each other.

It would be easy to cop-out and say she was all wrong for me; I heard that enough from my family over the time we were together, and I could probably recite everything they didn’t like about her by the time it was all done. The issue is that I had changed to be more like her — so every attack on her character felt like an attack on me, too. We had merged, but not in the ways that anyone sets out to.

The truth is that I said and did some horrible things to her, too. I was not innocent in our seven-year story. I may have been the one who hurt most at the end, but I brought my fair share of pain, too. I was too hung up on the roles we filled in each other’s lives that I didn’t take the time to realize what roles we needed to fill in our own lives. I longed for someone different, and so did she, but we were both too stubborn to let go of our own toxicity for long enough.

[5] I never would have met my wife.

It’s actually kind of funny; the woman I did end up marrying lived less than a block away from somewhere I spent a lot of time when I was with my ex… But we never saw each other. Or maybe we did, but we were both in our own separate (toxic) relationships at the time. Either way, we spent all this time near each other and never even looked because I’m strictly monogamous. (It’s worth noting that a few minor diversions from strict monogamy ended in absolute disaster, and while I don’t automatically equate polyamorous relationships with disaster, I know they don’t work for me.)

If I hadn’t been so messed up and determined to get someone so different than my usual “type” I never would have given my wife the time of day. Even as it stands, I had one foot out for a long time because I was waiting for the shoe to drop. But if I hadn’t been through all the mess with my first love, I never would have learned to appreciate my second love.

I’d like to take this time to formally say: Thank you, First Love. You taught me so much about myself that I never would have had the courage to look for. Thank you for being the wrong one, and setting me up so perfectly for the right one. And, while we’re at it, a big thank you to my wife for understanding (much quicker) that sometimes second choice is the real winner.

Can’t get enough of the ex drama? I’ve got a book of poems that I wrote while I was still in the middle of that relationship — check it out here.